As a mom of multiples, triplets to be exact, I have been asked some of the daftest questions ! Some questions were extremely personal and not the sort of question that a mom of a single baby would be asked. Depending on who is doing the asking will determine what sort of response I give. But I have brought together here some of the most idiotic questions I have been asked along the way…. I am sure that you will recognise a few. I know that theyre bourne from the unusualness of twins or triplets but some people simply don’t think! Have you ever been asked, when walking up a high street, by a total stranger ‘ Oooh ! Did you have IVF?’ So here is my collection of the most stupid questions I have been asked !
- ‘Did you know you were having twins/triplets?’
Well this might have been a question to ask my grandmother when she was having her babies, back in the 1940’s but not in the 21st century ! Have they not heard of ultrasound scans ? Now I suppose, just maybe if I lived in a third world country where scanning isn’t as available as it is in the West, it might be a reasonably valid question, although I am sure that even there they have some scans during their pregnancy. This is a really idiotic question that they haven’t thought through…. maybe a question like ‘ When did you find out that you were having twins/triplets?’ might be a better one. I found out I was having triplets at an early scan at 7 weeks. I had been really really sick, so a multiple was suspected. I was half expecting to find twins, but I must admit I was hugely surprised and rather shocked when we found it was triplets.
2. ‘Are They Identical?’
This doesn’t in the face of it, seem a silly question, but take a look at my triplets……
For starters….. there are two girls and one boy, so…hmmmm….NO ! They’re not identical, and then take a look at the girls…. do they LOOK identical to you ? And maybe you think Im being unfair, but these are questions asked whilst they’re looking at my triplets… ! The first time I was asked I was enthusiastic with my answers, but after the 10th time, Im afraid I ended up with a single answer….No ! I do wonder sometimes if people simply don’t know what to say, or maybe its a total lack of understanding on how twins or triplets come about. Even when I was pregnant, after they found out I was having triplets and I’ve told them that I’m having two girls and one boy, they would STILL ask if they were identical ? !!
3. ‘Ooh Did You Have IVF? Are They Test Tube Babies?’
This I feel is rather a personal question. I mentioned above, I was asked this by a total stranger, in the street who had run down the road, having walked past me once, to take another look in the stroller at my triplets. Most occasions when I was asked this, I wouldn’t tell the truth. Its not something I won’t tell people, its not a secret that I had IVF but when a total stranger asks, Im not going to tell them my medical history. There are more triplets born through natural means than are born through IVF but that still doesn’t stop people asking me!
4. ‘Triplets! Wow ! How Do You Cope?‘
I get asked this frequently when people find out I have triplets. As my triplets are not identical, its not automatically obvious now that they are all the same age and as they all do different things, dress differently and aren’t always together. So nowadays it’s things like visits to the dentist or getting school shoes that start to cause issues. I try not to get annoyed. It didn’t take conscious thought..’Oooh I’ve got triplets… I have to cope!’ I have three babies, you get on with it. You feed when they are hungry, wash them, diaper them and when its all done, you start again ! Of course I found it crazily hard, there were times when I cried with tiredness but I got on with it. Maybe being a Yorkshirewoman helped ! Hahahah ! I think I get annoyed because its the insinuation that you’re supposed to be a quivering wreck just because you have triplets….or twins!
5. ‘Triplets.. ! But They Look Nothing Alike ! ‘
For goodness sake! Of course they look alike… as alike as any other sisters and brother. They have the same skin tones, hair shades, eye colours… just like brothers and sisters that aren’t triplets.
I think this photo of my triplets when they were 3 years old shows that of course they look alike, like brother and sisters do ! I have a single baby now, 10 years later, and he looks just like them… part of the family ! This is my single son, playing tennis and I think he looks just like they do. He’s got more hair than they have, but otherwise part of the family! People have such weird ideas of twins and triplets and sadly all I can think in my head is how can they say such ridiculous things. Why do twins and triplets have to look alike anyway? Just because they were born at the same time.
6. ‘Triplets ! Ooh ! Who is the Smart One?’
Well let me tell you… All my triplets are smart ! They were preemies, born at 27 weeks. We were told that because of their extreme prematurity, that their IQ levels would be affected. Well… thank god they were ! If they hadn’t been preemies, heaven knows what smarty pants they would have been ! But why assume that there’s going to be one thats the smart one? They all have their own strengths and each one is different which is a great advantage…. much less rivalry! And none of them are sporty… despite my efforts to find ‘the sport’ that each one would excel at. I loved sports at school and my passion was ice skating, but no, not a single sporty bone in their bodies…. that skill was waiting for our youngest… the singleton, the tennis player and theyre all super proud of their little brother !
There are too many presumptions where twins and triplets are concerned. Many people think that because you have twins or triplets, that you are the entertainment, so they can ask all the personal questions without thinking, that you are there to make their afternoon fun at the playwark by quizzing the multiple mom about all the intimate details of having twins or triplets. It has made me avoid people to be honest, so I won’t get asked. It’s just worn a bit thin now. Don’t get me wrong, I am super proud of my triplets, but to me there is nothing abnormal in having three babies at once. They were my first so I knew no different. Yes, I have different experiences to the single mom…..parents evening lasts ALL evening. Im there when it starts and Im there when it finishes! But to me that’s normal ! Im still a normal mom, but with three babies born at the same time, nothing to stare at here….☺
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